I live in another world that most people can never ever reach . It is a land where the day no less than the night is set apart for ache. Ache is the most loyal company that I cannot get ride of nor could forget. It remind me every second that it is part of me ,of my being in this formidable winter. I even have to describe my being as “I feel pain, therefore I am ” which refers to Descartes ‘ “cogito ergo sum”(I think, therefore I am). I don’t know how long I have to suffer from this ,and what time I can arrive the so called promise land .Maybe the only way to release from this maddening pain is death, but I cannot . The love from mom, dear doctor ,and friends is the greatest comfort ,life is hard to endure ,but for the sake of love.The mystery of love is greater than death.Have tried my best to reduce the anxiety that chasing after my nerve which caused by the pain ,but still failed.
Of course there are countless problems in everyone’s life ,but the problems of others is easy to solve or can be solve by the time or some way. But it seems not of mine. Learned helplessness is obtained.
Dear God , your child is too tired to wake up, what should I do, what could I do? How deep is the helplessness that can make a person write diary in another language...Goodnight , a day passed ineluctable.